leave it to the army,

DH is just a few days away from leaving for BNOC in Georgia, he will be gone for just under 2 months, we knew this was coming but it still stinks! he will miss Chance's 5th birthday, he already missed his 4th, he will make it home in time to do a combo birthday party for mikey and chance, so it wont be the end of the world, but it still sucks. however the part that made my heart hurt was what he told me yesterday, apparently sometime in the summer the unit he is in has discovered they will be "top readiness" basically if anything happends in the world they will be some of the first to go, luckily in our wonderful world NOTHING ever happends {rolling eyes} so im expecting he will be gone pretty much from the get go in the summer, thru probably sept, they are suppose to deploy still at the end of the year, so this year should be fun. sigh. just venting a bit

so far so good

well ive been doing alot of thinking about the resolutions i made, and i know many of these just get tossed aside normally, but i really dont want them to, so im doing everything i can to keep these going strong.

for 1 i bought at kohls, the awesome shark steamer pocket, this thing rocks! it steam cleans all sorts of things, sinks, mirrors, stove, cabinets, deoderizes and kills bedbugs in the beds and couch, it also sanitizes the things we clean with it and releases wrinkles from clothing....it does ALL of this with water...well steam...but NO chemicals!

today i gave up sodas, i dont feel the need to pick one up, so hopefully it stays that way, not only will this help(i hope) with weight loss, but it will also help keep my immune system stronger, and help me stay healthier, the chemicals in sodas, its awful! so day 1 with no sodas, im trying to maintain a challange going on right now about eating from the pantry, i did need to buy lots of produce and things to help with the new eating habits, but i do want to try to eat much of our old stuff from the freezer and pantry instead of wasting this month. once this challange is complete i plan on eating much less processed foods, eating more homemade items. id like to do more freezer cooking, where i cook meals ahead of time so that they are "like" frozen meals.

needless to say i have many goals for me and the family this year, we will be healthier and happier and hopefully more green and more frugal.

welcoming 2010

well Christmas has come and passed, hard to believe we are embarking on a brand new year already. Christmas was wonderful, Santa was VERY nice, and went a bit overboard in every aspect, but thats okay, this was our FIRST christmas together at home since Zach was born, christmas 2007 was spent in houston at texas childrens hospital, 2008 the boys and i were home but Harold was in korea, so it was VERY nice to have everyone home. especially since Zach was hospitalized only 5 days prior, we got very lucky that he was released after only a day's stay. i think its times like that that remind us not to get to comfortable with our health. not to take it for granted.

Zach was taken to the er on sunday morning with a 105.5 fever, he was then hospitalized, the flu test they ran came back positive, so they were treating him for the flu and pnemonia (once he was released and we had a follow up we learned much different news) at the follow up his pedi informed us the backup test done after the rapid flu test was negative, so zach didnt have the flu, he also didnt have a new case of pneumonia...but looking at his discharge note we learned he DOES have an infection, his white blood count was at 20 thousand, but no bacteria was found in his urine or his blood...once again zach was throwing us for a loop. the same day we had a ENT appointment, the doctor had NO bedside manner, never took in consideration ANY of zach's other health concerns, but wanted to immidatly do surgery on his ears to release the fluid and pressure, said that could be the cause of his infection. with this information we went for a second opinion, have an appointment on jan. 7th, im sure he will need tubes, but we needed to have a doctor who works with zach's other specialists, such as his pulmo, cardio, etc. and so we needed to put the surgery off for a bit. he has been a trooper though and hasnt let it bother him much.

Christmas was very nice, we woke all the boys up about 730 and opened gifts, mikey and chance got loads of nerf gun stuff, some wii games, light sabers for wii, light sabers just for play, some transformer stuff and star wars lego stuff. Zach got a small ride on car, some small toy/rattle type things, a wooden sound puzzle, and a vtech story book musical toy, DH got a tool box, a shirt, some fishing stuff to get him started, and a xbox 360. i was also very pampered this holiday (ill bask in it until the credit card bills show up. lol) i got a brand new high speed camera with a extra lense, filter, carrying backpack, an awesome foot spa and a cool mudd purse, for my birthday (yea got the gifts early) i got a awesome burts bees collection of 25 items, and a beautiful wooden cross.

like i said santa went overboard, but i think it was kinda trying to over compinsate for not being together last year. it was worth it.

the new year is approaching, ill be 28 in a lil over 3 days and in 4 days 2010 will be upon us! i have lots of hopes for this year,
~the health of everyone in the family, especially Zach
~get more finacially stable
~more organized
~more quality family time

some of my resolutions are
~ eliminate as many chemicals from our daily lives as possible
~eat less processed foods
~ cook more meals at home
~ work out more at the gym
~ loose weight
~ give up sodas
~ eat less sweets
~ in general, help me and the family get healthier

random

 
 

emotional post

today has been one of those days where you sit and reflect on things even though you maybe shouldnt. one thought that keeps passin thru my thoughts...when did life get so complicated? what happend to the simpler times, the carefree times? i try but cant even really recall life BEFORE, before the specialists, before the diagnosis', before the medications and surgeries, before cords,braces, and equipment....

on most days this is fine, on most days his lil smile and happy go lucky self is enough to snap me out and make my heart smile too.... today however isnt a day that falls into the better list.

over the holiday we had visitors, inlaws (i want to say its not my family...poor hubs has to take the blame for having them as family) anyway our inconsiderate brother inlaw and his family (3 kids) came down to share the wonderful holiday with us, they stayed from wed till saturday, only leaving when we kicked them out...the entire time they were here, their kids were sick (they know how we feel about having sick people near zach, we asked them many times to get their kids away from him, to wipe the snot from their kids nose, to get their kids medicen) saturday zach began to act a bit "off" so they were asked to leave....however this was only a small part of what was to come, by sunday zach's oxygen requirements went up, he began coughing and a small fever crept up...

by monday he had a fever of 103.7, and was on 1.5 litters of oxygen, 3x the amount he had been on, i called several clinics and the appointment line for our regular pedi, no luck for same day appointments. we fianlly got in with zach's pedi tuesday, we spent 4 hours in the clinic, poor zach had to endure so much, he had labs drawn, chest xray, flu and rsv swab done...the results were 2 double ear infections, both that had ruptured, pneumonia in his right lung...the "good" lung, the chest xray was so bad that the doctor really battled with admitting him to the hospital, the only thing that saved us was having home health nursing. zach recieved a very strong antibiotic injection into his lil legs, and sent us home on oral/gtube antibiotics. zach is recieving lots of chest procussion therapy (CPT) extra breathing treatments, lots of nasal suctioning and is definatly nowhere near baseline, actually on 2 litters of o2 now :( were still struggling to keep him out of the hospital, and im still kicking myself for ever letting "those people" inside, to top it off, we have recieved NO apology, no call from them, my mother in law did call 3 days after he got sick to "check on him" but thats IT! seriously...do they just not get it? honestly it angers me but it HURTS that people are that self centered that they cant see beyond theirselves. they have officially been unwelcomed to come back to our house.

please keep him in your thoughts and prayers to get well soon! i miss my happy little boy.:(

whispers in my head

havent had a lot of time since we started homeschooling to sit and pour my thoughts out....not to say i dont have any to spill out though....that would scare me ...the thought that my brain was on a (gasp) break?? eek....never fear...lots of pointless thoughts are about to be poured out...

so some thoughts on homeschooling, some days i HATE it, i HATE not having ME time....now how selfish is that? seriously...i mean is that REALLY something that should bother me? well it does. i want to be able to sit and watch tv, to surf the net, to go shopping with NO kids in tow....
and then i sit back and take another look around and realize that THOSE small wants cant compare to what the boys AND me are gaining. the boys ARE listening, were gaining family time, were gaining learning experiences everywhere...and in the long run were gaining time...time thats not wasted in school lines waiting to pick them up, time not wasted in traffic coming home, time not wasted waiting to go places when school is on break. we arent tied to any schedule, but what we make. i find that i put more expectations (stress) on myself than probably anyone else would...this is good i guess...keeps me accountable, helps me stay on target for teaching the boys. ive been using our library like crazy checking out books on homeschooling for me, crafts, activities, books that help with science, social studies...its amazing what resources they have. its endless.

Zach has been doing wonderful with his crawling and exploring, IF you can get him motivated he is GONE. he LOVES to kick/hit our entertainment center, chase wipe packages down and play with paper. he still isnt much for real toys, but slowly he is exploring them. he is such a joy, and we are so blessed to have him, for the most part i can always look on the bright side, but there are occasions that i just want to scream! i mean he is 2!!! he should be running playing, saying "no" and "hungry" and so many other words, and he "should" be eating by mouth....a parent shouldnt have to rely on a surgically placed plastic tube in his stomach to feed their child! i shouldnt need a syringe and extension cord to hook up zach's feeding and pour the liquid pediasure thru the tube....what "normal" baby/child hits his head HARD daily to say "im tired"? he leaves marks on his face from this, and just keeps going. some days i want a normal child......but then i have to remind myself...then he wouldnt be zach, God gave us Zach, as he is, perfect in God's eyes, for a reason....and thats an honor, and a true blessing. zach will remain innocent longer than most, zach will communicate with his heavenly friends that he can see and we cant, for years longer than others would, zach will remain my cuddly baby just a bit longer... i know this...and yet...some days i want to scream. in the end, im human, im not perfect and i break....they make a wonderful medication...zoloft, that helps with the anxiety of life...:) this helps the optimism last a bit longer than it normally would....(though im really debating with removing the word normal from our vocabulary).

our christmas deco is partially up...yes its WELL before thanksgiving and its up...there is one reason..christmas is the season of peace and always makes me happy, last week i learned from the hubs that instead of deploying in 2011 it looks like it could be 2010 now...depression hit, only i have no time to worry, or grieve, or any of that...so the next best thing...denial and redirecting my emotions/energy...decorations!!

speaking of army, and deployments, these are the times when i want to lead a civillian life, i want out. hubs has been in for 9 years now...that means WE have been in for 9 years, for many of those years i never thought of life outside of the army...between the last deployment and life with the boys on my own in the past couple years has stainned my view, however it really doesnt seem plausable between zach's medical needs, doctor visits, medical supplies, therapies and the boys medications and therapies and such our out of pocket with most insurance would be insane, and with the economy, its not that its impossible but its definatly scary. for hubs the "safety net" is to stay in. so for now there is alot that i push aside on my "plate", but the army has been good to us, medical wise, housing wise, financially stable for the most part.i just HATE HATE HATE the deployments, the seperations, the strains on the family, on the marraige, on the kids. sigh. enough of that soapbox.

bad blogger

yep, i am a bad blogger. lots has happend since the last post. first, Zachy had a wonderful birthday, we celebrated his party on nov. 1st, on oct. 28th, 2 days after he turned 2 zach did the most amazing thing! ZACH CRAWLED! he moved his legs 2 movements actually moving himself. it was so amazing. my lil boy did it! so proud. he has worked VERY hard for that and im just tickled pink!

Zach's party was nice, he had great company, awesome gifts, and some very yummy food thanks to our wonderful friend, Nadine. very much a success.

on novemeber 5th a tragic event took place here at fort hood, a army major, who was a psychologist and also a muslim shot and killed 13 people and injured 29 i believe on fort hood. it was a very emotional and scary day,very unreal.

Zach saw his pulmonologist today,the appointment went wonderfully, i was very happy. zach's sat's and lungs were very good. we were able to wean down his lasix (a fluid reduction medication) from 2x day, 3 day week to 2x day 2x week, it may seem small, but just a few months ago we were at 2xday 7x week, so its working its way down. were hoping in about 6-8 months we may actually be OFF oxygen!! that would be incredible. we also had a blood chemistry done today, i guess the results will be back in a few days, this checks his potassium and sodium levels, were thinking we may be able to decrease those medications as well since the lasix is decreased. zach's weight was down again...he has been getting more mobil and using more calories so its normal for him to loose weight, but he needs more calories to help with growth of lungs and such. so zach went from 760ml/calories of pediasure a day to 1000ml/calories a day. he was 24lbs 10 ounces and 34 inches long.

we cancelled his sweat test for tomorrow, it wasnt the correct procedure we were looking for, this test wouldnt determin how well or how much he sweat, but more, how much of a certian chemical is in his sweat to determin if he has cystic fibrosis, and we know he doesnt, what we are trying to determin is DOES he sweat? and if so, how much? ive never seen him sweat. so for now were back to the drawing board.

42 days until christmas! i am already in the holiday mood, ready to put up our tree, ready to decorate, sip on hot cocoa, sing songs and just bask in the season. i love christmas time! i doubt ill be able to hold out until thanksgiving to put up our tree. :)

every year people make resolutions, most never happen, even with the best of intentions, im guilty. my usual is to "lose weight" and trueth be known, i probably gained instead. this year however i want to correct a few bad habits we got into about 2 years ago, after we had zach and we were living at the ronald mcdonald house, we didnt cook, many nights food was provided by various people and we would grab a bite to eat in the food court in the hospital, we did this day in and day out for months, since then its been much easier in my mind to grab food out rather than make anything, i want to break this habit for many reasons, i would love to have a dinner schedule, family time, save the money, try new foods, and im sure it would help to loose some weight. so im going to try to start this resolution now and hopefully it will stick in the new year.