playing catch up

wow, i never had the intention to leave the blogging world for so long, i cant believe its taken me this long to get back on to write. ive been able to read the updates from friends and fellow bloggers, but ive been overwhelmed at the thought of updating mine.

lets start one thing at a time i guess, since i left off with the b12 diet ill pick up with it. its been almost a month, and so far ive lost about 14lbs. i dont feel hungry, im not deprived of food, i would probably loose more if i were able to do more exercise (amazingly enough no one considers chasing 3 kiddos and cleaning house and running errands exercise) but i dont have the time, will or energy to do that, not yet at least. still im very happy about going on the shots and loosing the weight, its been wonderful, i plan on continuing on at least 2 more months, maybe longer.

spring break....well it was nice, the kids enjoyed some free time at home, we went to chuck e cheese and mikey got to play with sarah some and go on a boat ride with her. all in all spring break was good, but i kinda fell into a funk around that time, i slacked off a bit much on everything, now im trying to catch back up and its an uphill battle.

the boys, mikey and chance are doing well. right before spring break i spoke with mikey's teacher and the special education cordinator (?) and got him signed up to get evaluated for autistic therapy, ocupational therapy and speech therapy in school, we havent heard back yet, but im hopeful this will go thru and he will get some extra help in school, its not this school year im worried about, as this year he has an amazing teacher, but what happends next year....so im trying to plan ahead. Chance had his 4 year check up, he was 43.3 inches and 45.5lbs, he is in the 90% for weight and the 97% for height! big boy!!he recieved 4 shots, this threw him into a huge meltdown and i had to physically lay on him to let the nurse give him shots, but his checkup went well, however the doctor showed some concern for chance also showing asperger traits (self taught abc's, memorizing our address after one time, knowing how to spell his name and micheal's name, counting to 100 etc.) the doctor started out asking chance basic color questions and was impressed when he knew what "yellow, or red" was, and i was telling the doctor, "thats nothing, he has known colors and shapes for at least 1.5 years! soooo now we wait till his appointmetn with the developmental pediatrician or another doctor to review chance and determin if he is also on the autism spectrum.
Mikey and Chance are both actually seeing a new psychologist tomorrow to be reviewed, so we may end up with our answers then...unsure.

Zach has been doing amazing, he is such a blessing, when the day is over and we have a quiet moment and im able to just look into his eyes and feel him talking thru them and i can tell him how much i love him, its amazing. Zach went to see the pulmonologist about 2 weeks ago, he is now on 1/2 litter oxygen!! he has come so far from when we brought him home on 2 litters, the oral steriod, breathing treatments 6 times a day etc, to now, 1/2 litter, no oral steriod, breathing treatments 2 times a day, its amazing!! we have even begun to wean him on one of his diuretics, so again its an amazing step in the right direction. Zach is so much happier now, im not sure if its him being off the steriod, the seziure medication or just him feeling better now, but he is always so happy and smiley! Zach had his last RSV shot for the season, he had been getting one shot a month from october till march to help protect him from the virus. he is making progress in therapy too, he is able to sit once we place him, on his own for about 10-15 seconds, sometimes longer. Zach also got his first pair of AFO's today, we had him fitted for them a couple weeks ago, it was nice to finally get them, best part is he doesnt seem to mind them at all. the AFO's are leg and ankel braces (think forest gump) to keep everything aligned like it should be. his braces are much cooler though than forest gumps, they are a light weight plastic, his are blue with airplanes and cars on them. they go from his foot to under his knee area.

Harold, he is doing well over in korea, ready to come home, and we are of course ready for that too, however we still have a bit of a weight, we are finally almost half way thru this deployment so far though. to think he has been gone 6 months is overwhelming, sometimes it feels like yesterday and others like a lifetime ago, so much has happend, and will still happen while he has been gone, chance turned 4, mikey will turn 7 in just 2 weeks, mikey was diagnosed with asperger's, mikey started ocupational therapy, chance might be autistic as well, zach is weaning down on items and may be trying to crawl or walk when he comes home. its a little bittersweet that all of these changes are taking place, i regret that Harold cant be here to see them and experience them first hand as well. I recieved flowers from him about a week ago, he isnt always the most romantic guy, so it was a very big thing, and they were/are so beautiful, tiger lilley's and roses, all pink. i was very happy to get them and love him so much. he has been doing some shopping over in korea as well, anyone who knows my loving and wonderful hubby knows this is a shock as he is a self proclaimed cheapskate, so again it means a lot. he bought be a beautiful dolfin korean blanket (big, thick, soft) and the kids each got one as well, mikey got spiderman and chance got nemo. we havent recieved them yet, but i saw them via webcam. they were only about $20 there, but over here to buy the same is over $100 i think. so im very excited to get that and he also bought a beautiful four piece landscape with bridge painting in blue and black, ill have to find a really good place to display it.

back to zach really fast, i have talked to one of his therapists for a while back and forth and thought on my own too, that zach may have something else going on, besides the CDH and the brain issue (just has alot of symptoms and issues that i dont see in other babies like him ) anyway i finally contacted a genetisist and recieved word back that they also think there may be something else going on, so we made an appointment to head back to texas children's in houston in may. now the idea of going back scared me, as i cant drive in all that traffic, litteraly i will have a panic attack and would be a ball of emotions on the side of the road, so when i agreed (knowing its best for zach) i worried how i would get there, i asked our nurse who has also become a very good friend if she would help, and to my suprise she was completely okay with it, she may never know what a huge relief and burden that took off me, im so thankful. so we will go and get zach evaluated and give blood samples, they usually take blood from both parents, but dad's in korea....so they said if they find something that worries them they will figure out ways to get the sample from him, and if not, when he gets home they will do the sample then. apparently there are a few syndromes that are connected to the diaphragmatic hernia, such as Fryns syndrome and PKS (Pallister-Killian Syndrome) and some other mutations of certian genes that can cause a big spectrum of problems. alot of these do sound like maybe it could be connected, they mention, lowset ears, undecended testicles, wide spaced eyes, flat nose bridge, brain atrophy in some cases, gerd, and more. im hopeful we can get some answers and help zach out as much as possible and know what we can expect. its fusterating not knowing.....anything basically, just going day for day.

well we got tax money and used it to pay off debt and im using some to get grass soon, im so tired of the mud pit! we need grass for summer with the kids, so i am excited. the first guy quoted me $3k!! for sod....so i went with a guy who is gonna do hydromulch for $750!

tomorrow starts April, wow, already. Mikey turns 7 on the 13th, we will celebrate the weekend of the 18th though. easter is the 12th, still gotta get things in order for that. and this weekend, the 4th is a babyshower im throwing for our day nurse, im very excited, because i love babyshowers, love making people feel suprised and good, and it gives me something productive and exciting to look forward to. im doing a rubber duck theme...the cake, the deco, even the punch will be rubber ducky!

im not sure if i have mentioned Julia here before or just on my carepage, but a wonderful family we have known since before mikey was born had their second daughter in december, anyway she was born with Charge syndrome you can get more information on that here.... http://www.chargesyndrome.org/ and since her birth she has only been home about a month. she had her first surgery to get a gtube for feeding and her second was open heart surgery to repair 2 holes she had, a VSD and a ASD and then today she had a Trach put in to help her breathe. she is such a strong and courageous lil girl, an inspiration. her mommy and daddy had no idea anything was really wrong with her, they were told she had hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) and would be monitored, but when she was born she had problems breathing, and her ears were oddly shaped (like elf ears) and she had other characteristics of the syndrome. so needless to say they have been thrown into the world of being a special needs parent. not a role anyone wants, but they are doing amazingly well. dad is getting ready to deploy in just under 2 weeks and i am stressing for mom, she seems to be doing okay, but its overwhelming, and now the trach too. but they are a very strong family and julia is such a fighter, she will contiue to touch people she may never meet and show her mom that life as a special mom can be a blessing. i hope to hear she is on her way home very soon.

well there is the long awaited update, not sure why i was so overwhelmed to write it....haha. goodnight.

well i have put off writing any kind of update simple due to laziness, there has been so much going on that my mind barely has time to process it and to even think of rehashing it at times is too much. were hanging in there.
ill start oldest to youngest here with the kids.
Mikey..was tested for dyslexia and i have an ARD meeting with the school tomorrow to discuss the findings, im pretty nervous about this, kinda like a momma hen i guess...the thought that i may hear something that sounds criticle of mikey makes me ready to go into "attack" mode. mikey missed two days of school last week due to a fever and a cough, poor guy. he is feeling better now thankfully. he has a busy few days with appointments, a physical on tuesday, appointment with the audiologist on the 4th, the neurologist on the 8th and a dental appointment on the 4th to i think.

Chance, bout the only thing to announce with chance is that he has learned his abc's, he can say them, and usually about 90% of the time he gets them all. he can also count to at least 50! im pretty impressed with this since he wont be 4 till Feb! Chance also got a lil under the weather the other day and had to get some breathing treatments, he had a couple asthma attacks, luckily he seems like he is doing better.

Zach is doing well, he had his ultrasound on his testicles (unsure if i even mentioned that ordeal with getting the appointment here?) but anyway we ended up getting an appointmetn at 11am not 1 am! i still cant believe they even offered the appointment at 1 am. anyway his testicles are right on the verge of dropping so maybe we wont have anything to worry about. zach also had an appointmetn with the ortho doc, they did an xray of his spine and told me he does in fact have about a 20% curve, and for now were just watching it. we go back in 6 months. zach has been doing well other than those though, he is such a joy, always so happy and content.

Harold is doing okay over there, his unit has lost their minds though, to much drinking and fighting, i think he said half of his unit went to jail last night, insane hu!?! he misses home and we miss him being here. thanksgiving was very quiet and we didnt feel like doing anything. im trying to get better for christmas, and am going to send a small tree and all the deco to him over there, im sure it will brighten his day as well.

wow tomorrow is dec 1st, ready for a new month, ready to enjoy the holidays as much as i can. hope all is well!!

BTW 46 more trash days till Harold comes home, 23 more pay periods, 9 more house payments, only 6? more holidays until he can be back home. :)

here we go again

well here i am again, its been slightly under 72 hours into this new deployment....man oh man i really shouldnt use hours as a countdown, but sounds much better than saying only 362 more days. sigh. Harold left at 2am on sunday morning we had "family" time from 2am to 330am, sitting in a parking lot, at the van as he held 2 guns and waited to line up and be bussed to a gym where we couldnt go and be processed to board the plane.
Zach stayed home with the nurse, it was hard to do, but we dont want to risk him getting sick. mikey and chance were asleep and we loaded them in the van, they slept the whole time, but i did get pics of dad with them and dad kissing them goodbye. ive always heard the deployments get easier as you have more....i must say ITS A LIE! its just as hard this time. im tired, im lonely and not ready to make this my "normal" for the next year.
so far we have been blessed with the deployment, its not iraq, or afgan, its safer, and communication is easier. during our first deployment we probably talked 6 times in 7 months and 2 emails. during our second deployment the 11 months he was gone, email was good and instant message was good, but phone calls sucked! so far he called this time from alaska as they waited to be refueled and he IM'd last night and early this morning for a bit. i also recieved a phone call after dinner tonight they havent been long, 10 minutes online and maybe 10 minutes in all with phone calls, but its contact...and ill take it. he should be able to get a phone over there for about 45 bucks a month that will allow him unlimited access to calling home. again....a blessing.
the kids miss dad, they are acting out, chance whinny about everything, mikey very emotional and he had rage today, i hope things settle down soon for them. zach however, just as cheery as he can be. when i came home from leaving Harold that morning zach was awake and smiling for me. i held him and just cried, but of course i didnt cry long, who could with that smile. i swear he was trying to hug me, lil guy is so smart.
so heres to the next 52 weeks, thats 52 trash days, 52 days of church, 26 grocery shopping trips, 26 pay days....sounds a lil better that way.

a place to release

wow, its been a long time since i was on blogger....by the looks of the last blog here it was right after chance was born and we entered our second deployment...why is it im now blogging here again at the start of another deployment...i suppose its cause there is so much tension and so much stress, more so now than with the other deployments. im coming upon the day...july 19th, last year we had our ultrasound on july 19th this was the day we learned zach was going to be a boy and the day we learned that zach had a defect, i still hate that word, congenital diaphragmetic hernia, this was a day my world stopped at least short term. i was given options to terminate, and of course i couldnt, wouldnt. but still my world stopped and part of me died, so to speak. a new part was born but that carefree person is gone, i dont regret it, but its different. this was also the day we moved into our new house on post, this house was filled with bad memories for me, the stigma that we moved there on that very day. let me tell ya im so happy to be out of that house and now into our own. we love our new house, i just wish i had longer to share it with Harold.

last week he was "in field" but able to come home at night, this week and next he is gone for the whole time, other than a few "shower runs" that last 1-1.5 hours max. im trying hard to unpack here, clean organize, get everything from old house and keep the chaos that is my life straight. mikey and chance fight from the moment they wake up until they are sleeping. most days i cant even breathe. im worried about mikey in school, but i cant even get him help here at home reading or with math, there simply isnt enough time in the day. and his concentration isnt there, i cant get him to listen to anything, he does his own thing. i had hoped the adderall or ritalin would help, but not so much. and his sleep schedule has been a mess since he was 2, he doesnt sleep. he can wake up at 3am and go until 3am the next day, sleep 2-3 hours and be ready to go again. and before someone mentions it...ive taken everything out of his room before, he plays with his hands, ive locked him in his room, nothing works, the psychiatrist thinks its a neuro issue. probably linked with his ADHD and probably inherited from dad.mikey was diagnosed at 18 months with sensory intergration dysfunction and i think this is still also playing a rol l with him, and he could benifit from some therapy assuming i can find someone around to do it. Chance has some similar isues with sleeping as well.he will see mikey's shrink doc soon to evaluate him, he has been so whinny lately and i hate that. his allergies have been flaring and i worry about his asthma, usually oct-march are his bad months but you never know. mikey is actually on medication for sleep, both over the counter herbs and prescription drugs as well, with no help. all of this combines for some long days and usually some very long nights.
today was no different, i had no time to even breathe. i realize i miss harold's help. im not looking forward to korea, not looking forward to being seperated for a year or more. and quite frankly i just dont know if im up for the challange. i feel very stressed. and though i am forever blessed to have Zach at home with us, he is a LOT of work. he is so delayed motorly that he doesnt do anything for himself and he is quite heavy, 21lbs 1 ounce to be exact. im thrilled to have him home and to watch him grow and get healthier at the same time im so tired. 6 breathing treatments, 17 medications, 4 gbutton cleanings and an 18 hour continous feeding drip each day are so tiring. im thankful for our nursing help, this is the time i run errands and clean, but when they leave its even more chaos. i know one day zach wont need all this extra stuff and it will be a thing of the past and he will be so caught up on everything, so until then this is what we must do.
i realize this is coming off as a vent, and i guess it is, but not because of my kids, just because of circumstances. i love my boys, all of them, though they are all a handful. i just wish we could all be a family together and spend more time together. our 8th wedding anniversary is next week, we wont be able to be together, our 9th he will be in korea, so maybe number 10. im just feeling overwhelmed and lonely tonight, sorry for the vent. thanks for listening.