signs from God

this is kinda a twist off the previous post i just made, but ive been contemplating things the past few days, and i wonder....are they signs? or just a series of events that took place?

when i was little, i played with Barbies, like most girls do, i LOVED my barbies, i would play for hours. many of the times i would play with them i would have 1 who was disabled...either i would break a leg off, or i would use their shopping cart as a "wheelchair", im not sure why i did this. was it a sign from above to get me ready for a disabled child?

as i got older i would watch the shows with differnt kinds of people...down syndrome, blind, deaf and was extremly intrested in these. i would read medical books for fun, learning all the different diseases and disorders, and ive loved the medical shows on TLC since i first saw one. if you would have asked me 10 years ago if i had a baby with a disability would i terminate the pregnancy....the answer would have been the same as it is now, no. did i somehow KNOW that my life would be transformed by a "special" child? im not sure but its something to think about.

also growing up i was at least in my heart very close to my grandmother, we didnt live close to her and i can actually only recall seeing her 2 times i think, but i would talk to her on the phone sometimes and she would always send christmas and birthday gifts, usually something not worth more than $2, she didnt have much money and gave what lil she did have to her 12 kids and their families. i remember my favorite gift from her was a pink comb. nothing special but to me it was. i loved her. i love her still. grandma had a massive heart attack 10 years ago this december, she lived thru it but not for long. when she had her heart attack i was in swimming practice and i remember being in awful pain in my chest area for a few minutes, it came on sudden and i couldnt move. somehow i think this is linked. i always admired my grandmother for many things but her stregnth in caring for one of her youngest kids, who in her teenage years became very ill and stopped walking and talking and eating, she has a feeding tube and is bed bound...the doctors say she is brain dead, but she isnt, she knew who grandma was, she knew where she was. before grandma died we all got to see her, her final request was that someone take her younger daughter to live with them and not send her to a institution. once that was settled grandma passed quietly. joy kay is my aunt who is bed bound and "brain dead" she cried for weeks after grandma died...but how can she if she is brain dead? growing up i heard stories of joy kay and now i wonder...was she/is she in my life (though i havent seen her but 2 times i think) as a way of preparing me for the future?
something to ponder on....